You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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