think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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