Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
