Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
