Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
