Your tits are I can't wait for
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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