I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Damn victory sex feels great
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
