Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
