Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
