Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
