So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
