(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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