I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There r osticjed everywhere
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
is that a dick in a sweater?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
