I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
