I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
