buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
