HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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