so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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