I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
