Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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