Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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