I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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