hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
