If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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