he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
