i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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