I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
