Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
