dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
