Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
