what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
