yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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