angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
