trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
not ubering you a puppy
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