I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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