update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
