if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
