windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
