plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
