this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
