he puts the penis in happiness.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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