I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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