I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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