I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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