i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
