What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
