Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
