i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
