tell your sister to shave her snatch
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
