I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
