well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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